Adventures in Thrifting

November 12, 2011 § 1 Comment

I’ve come to love thrift stores. Sometimes, in the midst of size 24 muumuus and club wear from the ’80s, you find a London Fog trench coat, or a cute gray Members Only jacket, or a t-shirt with a skeleton hand on it (all of this has been in my latest few hauls – I like skeletons, all right?). Of course, sometimes you don’t find anything and just end up spending an hour sorting through polyester monstrosities that have already been worn by strangers.

Still, you never know what you’ll find. On a recent trip to the Salvation Army, I came across the following jackpots.

Having problems in your monogamous relationship because you feel the need to sow your wild oats? Invest in a specially designed Wild Oats Storage Device:

Domesticated oats should be stored separately.

Think that $6.20 is outrageously expensive for a 64-pack of brand-name crayons? Get them gently used for only $1.50:

Okay, vigorously used.

Though I think thrift stores can be a treasure trove, I understand that not everyone likes them. Then again, some people like them for the wrong reasons. “Ooo, a thrift store! Because each item is separate, and thus not catalogued in some computer system, there’s no way to keep track of how much each thing is supposed to cost! I can just switch the price-tags around and presto! This $15 jacket is now $2! Hurrah for me!” Careful there, Stealy McLoose-Morals, Big Brother is watching you:

Petity larceny: not to be confused with "petty larceny."

So, if you’re going to venture into the wilds of thrift shops, be careful not to ruin your life. Similarly, if you’re going to venture into the wilds of heterosexual sex (wild oats container not doing it for you?), be careful not to ruin your life. Use protection, kiddies. Though I suggest you buy your condoms somewhere other than the thrift store – this is not a case where a spin in the washing machine makes “gently used” like new.

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§ One Response to Adventures in Thrifting

  • munteng says:

    i thought my friend was quite smart to have swapped the price tag for those reasons. the shop owners are actually a step further. dang.
    it’s my friend, really, it’s not me.

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